May 232010
 

I was thinking today how different things are for kids, than they were when I was growing up in the 1970s. Specifically, I was thinking about how spoiled they are.
I know, I know, you’re saying to yourself, “There you go sounding like an old man!”…but hear me out.

Today, while I was on the computer, my son ALSO wanted to be on the computer.
Did he have to wait his turn?
No.
He simply grabbed my iPad, and jumped on. And if he didn’t have that, he could have used the iPod Touch, or my daughter’s netbook.

But we didn’t even have computers.

Then, while he was playing the Wii, my daughter wanted to also play a game.
Did she have to wait her turn?
No.
She simply reached for her Nintendo DS, and was off for a jaunt in the gaming world too.

We had Atari.
We had to wait our turn.
And our characters in the game were squares. Not in the “not cool” sense of the word square; they were literally a fuckin’ geometric shape.

“Adventure” anyone?


Yeah, that’s right, bitches….A….FUCKING….SQUARE.
Oh, and see that thing that looks like the letter “Q” with a duck’s head on top?
That’s a dragon.
YES, I said it’s a dragon.

Do you see how hard we had it?
We were being attacked by deformed letters of the alphabet, and we LOVED that shit!
Never once did you hear us say “The graphics on this are kinda weak.”
A FUCKIN’ Q!!!!

But all this thinking had me remembering “Ms. Harvey”.
Who was Mrs. Harvey, you ask?
Oh, you didn’t ask?
Well I’m telling you anyway.

Ms. Harvey was a woman who lived across the street from us, on Upland St. in Chester, PA.
To the best of my recollection, she was 128 years old, and had NEVER been married.
I was NOT a fan.

If I close my eyes, I can still feel it all in my bones.
A hot Summer day in Chester, the coolness of the indoors as the window unit air conditioner was cranking away at full blast, and the smell of my Grandmother’s Pasta Fagioli in the air.
Everything was PERFECT in the world, as I sat in front of the TV watching my afternoon blast of “Speed Racer”, which led into “The Space Giants” on Channel 48 from Philadelphia.
Bliss.

But then, a faint knock comes to the door. My mind, knowing that knock and knowing the punishment I would endure if said knock was answered, begins pleading with the cartoon gods to not let my Grandmother hear the person at the door.
But alas….it never went that way for me.

Ms. Harvey would enter our home like royalty.
There were rules, you see.

First, I was to be presented to Ms. Harvey, at which point I would answer a barrage of questions, usually pertaining to what I learned in school, or whether or not I had spent too much time in front of the television today.
The television, that was now turned off.

You see, that was another rule.
When Ms. Harvey would enter our home, she would immediately say “You know that television isn’t to be on when Ms. Harvey is here, Joseph.”
And my family….like cult members responding at the behest of their leader, would INSTANTLY hit the power button.
By the way, if you’ve lived a century, and never landed a man, you don’t get to refer to yourself in the third person.
Just sayin’.

But the prelude to all of this was the worst part.
You see, upon my being presented to Ms. Harvey, she would kiss me on the cheek.
Seems harmless, right?
Well you’re wrong.
As it were, Ms. Harvey had a considerable amount of “peach fuzz” all over her face that she had been cultivating since The Great Depression, and we had shag carpeting….as dictated by proper 1970′s protocol.
When she would plant her wrinkled lips on my cheek….”ZAP!!!!!”, I would get to enjoy the biggest static shock ever.
Every.
Fucking.
Time.

I swear, I think that old bird used to come by just to get an electrical fix to keep her ticker going!!!

And then, I had to sit there, and enjoy Ms. Harvey’s dissertations about how terrible these times we were living in were, for what seemed an eternity.

I didn’t have another TV to go watch, because we only had one.
I didn’t have a portable gaming system to fight the letter Q on, because they were the stuff science fiction movies were made of in the late 70′s.
I…just…had…to…deal.

So what’s my point in all this?
Fuck these kids today.
Fuck Ms. Harvey’s electricity.
And Fuck the letter Q, AND the shape known as a square.

I need a drink.

May 182010
 

In case you missed it, there’s a shit ton of civil unrest in Thailand between the military and the “Red Shirts”. The Red Shirts are demanding that Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva resign immediately, dissolve parliament and call new elections. They say the government is illegitimate, that it came to power by manipulating the courts and forming an alliance with the military, and that it embodies an elite indifference to the plight of the poor.

The following video illustrates exactly how getting tazed here in America, really isn’t that big of a deal, and why you should stop being such a whiny bitch about it.

WARNING: GRAPHIC VIDEO, NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

May 092010
 


Oil can spill….but it doesn’t need to be cleaned up right away. Ron owes Corey Feldman an apology, cuz Ron is a jerk. If you’re gonna be gay…please be famous! Frank DiFazio FTW!!!! Internet “Journalists” and where the law’s reach should end. I got pregnant in 3D, yo! And…..WIMMENS!!!!!!!

Closing Song – “Far” by Coheed And Cambria

May 052010
 

“This is the hidden truth….the world between the lies.”

By now, most of you will have read the tale of the “debate” that has been ongoing between Allison and I, and if you haven’t, you can go read it now at the following link….

“Do Women Think This Way?”

It’s ok…go ahead, I’ll wait until you’re done.

Ok, good?

Now, the idea that women don’t size up whether they would have sex with a man, is at it’s best, intellectually disingenuous, and at it’s worst UTTERLY laughable.
OF COURSE YOU DO.

Let me paint a picture for you…

You’re in line at Starbucks, and all of a sudden, a ruggedly handsome gentleman strikes up a conversation with you. He’s funny…very affable…and you seem to hit it off conversationally.
Before he leaves, he tells you he really enjoyed talking to you, and asks if he could have your number to possibly ask you out for a drink sometime.

Scenario B…..

You’re in line at Starbucks, and all of a sudden, a very unattractive gentleman strikes up a conversation with you. He’s funny…very affable…and you seem to hit it off conversationally.
Before he leaves, he tells you he really enjoyed talking to you, and asks if he could have your number to possibly ask you out for a drink sometime.

The first guy will probably get your phone number….but the second guy won’t.
Why?
Because you decided the minute that you saw “Guy A”, that he would be suitable to date you….*if* he pursued you.

BUT, the idea of dating “Guy B” is repulsive to you, so therefore, you don’t even want to have drinks with him.
You KNOW you would never allow it to go anywhere, and you also know, that it’s his intention to pursue you romantically.

And how did you come to that conclusion?
You came to it by deciding that “Guy A” was “Hot”.
And what does it mean to find someone “Hot”, class?

It means that you find them attractive, and attraction equals desire, and desire equals want.
It’s all part of nature, boys and girls.

See, I am REALLY tired of the games that we have been taught to play, regarding the interactions between men and women.
I have NO time for that silliness.
I’m too old for that shit, people!!!

Let me break this down for you….
Ready??

WOMEN ARE NOT MORE INTELLIGENT, OR MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN MEN.

Oh my God, can you believe what that asshole just said?????? Who does he think he is? We’ve learned on EVERY situation comedy out there, that the man is a bumbling moron, and the woman keeps everything in line!!! HOW DARE him question that!!

Yes, you heard me correctly.
I don’t play that crap, so you can check your “I am woman, hear me roar” bullshit at the door.

If you want to claim that women don’t see men out there that they just want to have sex with, I would also like you to enlighten my CLEARLY underdeveloped brain, as to how one night stands happen?
Was that a decision on the behalf of the woman that was “more thought out” than that of the man’s?
Oh, I know…these poor helpless little angels were just tricked by the BIG BAD MISTER MAN, right?
Please.

See, under societal guidelines, the man walks away as a hero to other men in a one night stand scenario, AND he just wanted to screw you in the first place.
But the woman is labeled a whore.

“Oh, well why can men, like totally sleep around, and women can’t?”

Simple.
Because YOU are being penetrated. YOUR BODY is being entered…ours isn’t.
Like an animal, the man is subconsciously “conquering” you.
THAT, is the underlying mechanism that psychologically makes it different from a societal standpoint…but no one wants to say it out loud.
Hell, as we speak, you’re saying what a pig I am for typing that, right?

So, who walks out of that one the winner, when he never calls you again?
Were you smarter in that situation?
Your risk to reward ratio was working HIGHLY against you, yet you still did it.

Why?

It’s simple, because JUST LIKE MEN, you saw something you desired, and you went for it.
You weren’t better or more evolved, you thought with your vagina.

Or do you want to tell me that you believed that it was gonna be happily ever after?

What about women who screw their friend’s boyfriends?
Did she carefully weigh out everything, and determine that the fucking scumbag who is willing to have sex with his woman’s best friend, was the most viable option for a mate?
OF COURSE SHE DIDN’T!
She just wanted to fuck him.
Period.

Where’s the sophistication in that, ladies?

The whole “determining a suitable mate” gimmick is hilarious.
How many times have we seen decent, honest, men, passed over for a “bad boy” type?
And you know the best part about that?
These are guys who have reputations for cheating on EVERY woman they were ever with.
But guess what?
Women….Still….Fuck….Them.

Is that another “intellectual” decision? Were all the pros and cons weighed out?
Of course not.
That shit is about as intellectual as Wile E. Coyote figuring out how he’s gonna fuck up the Road Runner with one of those awesome blueprints he was always drawing up….and JUST as laughable.

Now, before you go into the whole “You’re angry with women!!!” cop out, let me stop you.
I’m not angry with women, I ADORE me some womens….but, I’m TIRED of this bullshit game where men are the only ones capable of doing things for the wrong reasons.

Women do INCREDIBLY stupid things all the time too.
It’s just a fact….deal with it.

For some reason, and I can only assume it’s conditioning, women like to pretend certain things.
They like to claim that they want a “sensitive, caring man”.
But that’s not exactly true, is it ladies?

The truth is, when you actually run across a man like that, you think he’s an emasculated douchebag, and you would NEVER consider being with him.
You need a man who presents a challenge….hell, NONE of us wants someone who worships the ground we walk on every three seconds.
BUT, women won’t SAY that out loud.
So, they send misinformation to men….they *tell* them one thing….but in actuality, the rules are in opposition to that.
And WHY do women insist on this masquerade?
They don’t even know themselves.
THEY…. JUST…DO….IT.

Just like they want to “pretend” that they don’t think about fucking a hot guy when they see one.

It’s fucking stupid.
Let’s just call things for what they are, and stop these silly games.
Men don’t believe you’re smarter….they aren’t falling for it.
Trust me, I talk to them.

Oh, and when you show this to your man, ladies…you know…to point out what a douche I am, and DEMAND his agreement….he may agree with you to your face, but deep down, I’m like a fuckin’ Malcolm X to him.
I’m spittin’ GOSPEL right now, and he knows it.

Hugs and kisses, wimmens!
xoxoxo

May 012010
 

Yes, I AM aware that I haven’t promoted the podcast on a regular basis, but guess what?
I don’t really care. See, the way I see it, if you liked it, you subscribed, and if that was the case, you already heard all the episodes between the last time I posted about it and now….right?

SO, here’s the link to Episode 8ight at Podbean.

Episode – 8ight

It should also be up shortly at iTunes once the feed goes through.