Mar 212015


I recently had the displeasure of watching a video where Rick Santorum is doing a Q&A in South Carolina.
A woman steps up to the microphone for her turn a bat with the former Senator and begins a tirade that could only be equaled by someone who’s currently awaiting their tapioca in the day room of some random mental care facility in Anytown, USA….or well, Youtube at any given moment.

Let me just provide you with this video so that you can fully appreciate the lunacy of this woman.

So now that you’ve also had the displeasure of listening to the rantings of this lunatic, I’d like to address the real problem here.
No, the real problem is not the woman. She’s simply crazy, and crazy people often have no idea that they’re crazy, nor are they capable of NOT being crazy. It’s sane people’s social responsibility to let crazy people know that they’re simply crazy and need help. But more importantly, that their crazy ideas are not part of the National dialogue.
THIS brings us to the problem here….

The problem is that Santorum treats her as if she isn’t crazy.
And why does he treat her as if she isn’t?
Because her insanity fits the narrative of his agenda. Her lunacy is a direct result of the lack of intellectual honesty that exists in America now. It’s a direct result of the removal of The Fairness Doctrine. It’s a direct result of things like Fox News. It’s a direct result of the uneducated masses having a forum to espouse their maniacal belief system on social networks by simply hitting ‘share’ on the most outrageous lies imaginable.
It’s a direct result of this country’s population no longer being able to have a sophisticated adult conversation about real issues.

This woman actually suggests that Obama tried to detonate a nuclear bomb in Charleston, South Carolina, and it doesn’t even give Santorum pause. He doesn’t stop her. He doesn’t demand that she now be removed from the podium for incredibly irresponsible and borderline treasonous speech. He does NOTHING that intellectual honesty would dictate.
His agenda is bound by no means of moral command.
Instead…he plays into her madness, agrees that there’s a complete lack of leadership, and then says that her use of ‘tyrant’ is appropriate.
Now you may agree with those things about Obama, but the problem here is that this woman doesn’t leave that room feeling the need to be in any way introspective about her behavior, she believes her behavior is justified and rational. But more importantly, he keeps her fear alive, and that is the most valuable commodity to a politician.
She can walk away and say to herself …“Well, he didn’t disagree with me when I said Obama tried to nuke Charleston! COCKADOODLEDOO!!! It’s a good thing I can turn invisible when I want to, maybe I can sneak into The White House and see what else Kenyan Barry has up his sleeve!”

From here, she and people like her want the rest of us to listen to their wackadoo banter.
They flood our newsfeeds daily with the most outrageous ‘breaking news’ that 9 times out of 10 comes from the blogs of other wackadoos just like them. They are the living, breathing Human Centipede; feeding off the idiotic excrement of the moron ahead of them in the chain, and they openly celebrate their stupidity with joyous ‘patriotic’ self hi-fives.

If their leaders aren’t going to tell them to knock it the fuck off…how are YOU supposed to ever have a conversation with them?
I mean, some people are just crazy! Remember when people were crazy? Remember when we would say that?
Well, they’re still out there, and not everyone’s opinion is legitimite. It’s ok to acknowledge that!

This brings us to the ultimate goof of this whole situation.
Here we have a situation where the very people who believe they’ve taken up the sword to preserve the America that The Founding Fathers intended us to have are the same group who are eating away at this country like a cancer.
And no, I don’t mean politics specifically.  I mean the dumbing down of the dialogue on their behalf.
You can’t treat crazy people as if they’re sane simply because their brand of crazy matches your agenda.
It’s socially irresponsible to do so.
It makes crazy think it’s not crazy, and it makes the sane think you are ALL crazy because you can’t see the crazy yourselves.
Did that make any sense? I ask because it even started to confuse me as I was typing it.

My point is, if you want to ‘take America back’….whether you’re a commie pinko Liberal, or a religious wacknut Republican, or one of the third parties that will never see The White House because the entire game is rigged and all a big facade in the first place….seriously I mean think about it…you think Obama dealt with a record number of filibusters, imagine a third party guy trying to get shit done when his views align with NEITHER party! You’ll actually be able to HEAR the brakes screeching to a stop up on Capitol Hill from your own home!!!

Man that’s funny…..wait, where was I?
Oh yeah…my point is if you want to take America back, you need to start by acting like real Americans and having sensible dialogue about what’s going on out there today.

And that doesn’t include suggesting that Obama tried to set off a nuke in Charleston.
Even if he is the head of an ISIS sleeper cell.

Oct 312014

Surely you’ve seen this video by now. You have, right?
Well if you haven’t, watch it before you read this.

All good now?
Ok then, let’s proceed.

Now in this video, we see aspiring actress Shoshanna B. Roberts walking around the streets of New York City for 10 hours while a hidden camera documents the things that low class men say to her. These things rage from the fairly benign, to statements where the intention behind the attempts at conversation is more clear.
But make no mistake, not many of these men have innocuous intentions in mind.
And perhaps innocuous is not quit fitting, as these men don’t necessarily mean Shoshanna harm, as much as they would like to use her like a blow up sex doll.
If Shoshanna enjoyed their sexual delivery, obviously things wouldn’t be harmful, but this is where things go astray.

Shoshanna never inquired about their sexual prowess, nor did she solicit their services.
As we can see, Shoshanna is simply walking down the street.

For us to argue the validity of the assertion that these things happen to women would be silly. Clearly they do happen, and clearly it must be rather annoying and off putting.

The argument as to whether or not these things happen is not why I take issue with this video on the whole.
My issue is that the video misrepresents what it shows us in order to achieve it’s goal.
Let’s begin at the end.


Now the creators of this video would have us believe that in 10 hours, over 100 men exacted ‘verbal street harassment’ on Shoshanna, and that these men were from ‘all backgrounds’.
I think that’s 10 men an hour, but don’t go by my math; I never even know if I receive the correct change.
But still, is that what we saw represented?

First let’s talk about what we actually saw in this video.
By my rough count, we saw 20 incidents of men saying something to her.
As I stated at the outset, some were incredibly benign; things like “How are you today?” and “Hello!”.
Now we could argue that ALL of these men desired Shoshanna sexually, but would that be exactly fair?
For instance, during my workday travels, I’ve had people say things to me as I’m walking into stores. They’ve ranged from “Sup!” to “Good Morning!”, to “Have a blessed day.”.

Would it be fitting to assume that these people want to fuck me?
Are these examples of harassment?
I mean, being an atheist and all, I technically could claim that the ‘Have a blessed day’ comment is ‘verbal street harassment’ since their religious projection on to me is certainly unsolicited, but would it be right of me to simply assume their intent was malicious?

Some people are outwardly friendly.
I am not.
But some are.
That doesn’t immediately equate to “OMG HE WANTS TO MAKE THE RAPE AT ME!!!”.

So going by the ‘preponderance of evidence’ standard, if we remove the amount of people who simply said some form of “Hello” to her without exhibiting blatant sexual advancement, we’re down to less than 20 over 10 hours.
Oh because that’s the other interesting part about this video. We see the sky reflecting all times of the day. Morning…mid-day…and evening.
Yet out of all that amount of time, and all of those 10 hours, we see less than 20 undeniable cases of ‘verbal street harassment’ from people of all backgrounds, right?

But are they REALLY from all backgrounds?
No they aren’t.

From the sampling in this video, the majority of offenders are minorities.
No it’s NOT racist to give a verbal account of what my eyes saw. YOU are a racist for thinking I’m racist for that!
Yeah, not so fun when the table are turned, is it?

Now, if I’m wrong, and if the unedited footage of the OVER 100 instances of ‘verbal street harassment’ truly showed a sampling of men from ALL backgrounds, you guys really fucked things up in post production.
Based on what this video shows, it would have been more aptly titled:
“Hey Black And Hispanic Men! What The Fuck Is Your Problem?”
But I’m not one to cast aspersions on the makers of this video and try to make them look racist, the way they tried to make all men look like perverted creeps.

Let’s take it a step further. Of these mostly Black and Hispanic men, how many seemed career oriented?
I mean, did they look like they just got done celebrating at Nobu because their shares in Rongsheng went through the roof, or did they come across more like they just sold camcorder copies of ‘Gone Girl‘ to a guy who’s too dumb to use BitTorrent?

A little further into the shit pile I’m no doubt stepping into here, shall we?

Do we really believe this happens to all women, all places, all the time?
Shoshanna Roberts is a very attractive woman. She’s not a supermodel by definition or proportion, but you would definitely take particular notice of her at a party. Fair enough?
And being as attractive as Shoshanna is (and remember, we’re ignoring what we’re being TOLD now, and going by what we SEE), she still only garners a hand full of blatantly harassing statements from low life men, while canvasing one of the most busy cities in the world for almost half of an entire day.

Does this not seem like a very skewed collection of data to you, if we’re suggesting all women deal with this, all day, everywhere, from men of all backgrounds?

Of course it does.

And finally, what exactly happens when we give our money to ‘Hollaback!’, so as to end ‘verbal street harassment’?
Do you believe you can ‘policy away’ bad manners and social etiquette?
Well then great! I would like to be rid of guys who drive like assholes. Not only are they annoying, but they are actually a threat to other people’s lives!
Where can I donate to that? This isn’t NASCAR, you assholes!! Stop treating me like I’m an opponent at Dover Downs! I don’t belong to you!

I’d also like to be rid of fast food employees who roll their eyes at me when I ask for extra ketchup. They make me feel bad about myself.
Can I donate to that?
I mean seriously, do you think one packet is enough for a large fry? I’m sorry to make you work while you’re…you know….AT WORK, but I simply would like more of my preferred condiment. Stop making me feel like shit for wanting some!

Oh…OH! And the other day, a woman cut in line in front of me at the store! She knew she did it and didn’t even care.
Is there some sort of organization that’s working on dealing with people like this?

Clearly from my data, ALL men drive like assholes, ALL fast food employees go full dickhead when you want more ketchup, and all women cut in line!!
Am I right?

Or maybe….some people are just assholes that we unfortunately have to deal with during our walk through this life.
‘Verbal Street Harassment’…the new Ebola.

In other words…leave Michael Che alone!

Aug 202014

Photo credit to Time Magazine

A young black man goes into a convenience store.
He purchases some candy and a beverage.
He heads home wanted for no crime, yet is confronted by a civilian and killed.

A young black man and his friend go into a convenience store.
He steals some cigars and when he’s confronted by the shopkeeper, he physically accosts him and threatens more violence until the shopkeeper backs down.
In the street after just committing a robbery, he has a confrontation with a police officer and is killed.

These two young men are not equal in anything other than skin color.

That fact however, has not stopped one of their deaths from being the catalyst to violent outrage.
Now, if you’re using deductive reasoning, you’d probably assume that it’s the first young man’s death that was the catalyst to riots and looting.
But you would be wrong.

For some inexplicable reason it’s the second young man, Michael Brown, that people felt was worth destroying the city of Ferguson, MO for. Ignoring all the evidence that was captured on video surveillance, and the eye witness account that corroborates Officer Wilson’s account of the shooting, which was provided by a few unknowing men as they filmed Brown’s body laying in the street, residents have taken to the all so productive measures of violence and destruction to avenge the death of one of their own.

I have learned something through watching this situation play out in the media and on social networks.
What I learned is that most people are incredibly disingenuous asses when it comes to arguing for what they want to believe.

Originally, Brown was just a harmless young man who was shot for jaywalking while black, according to many.
That was the narrative.
But when security camera footage showed him getting physical with a shopkeeper who was trying to stop him from robbing him, they were forced to change their tune.
They quickly and spiritedly regrouped to redefine what Brown could clearly be seen doing as ‘shoplifting’.
You see, they needed Brown to still be a gentle giant…in order to be right… so they were willing to suspend all logic and re-title a robbery and physical altercation to something more warm and fuzzy.

They then claimed that even if Brown had robbed that store and gotten physical with the shopkeeper that it had NO bearing on what happened between him and officer Wilson.
That’s interesting isn’t it?
Actually SEEING an indicator of an individual’s propensity for violent behavior now has no bearing on what an individual might have done, when the claims are that it was his violent behavior that laid the foundation for his demise.
Strangely, these same people wanted to cite George Zimmerman’s arrest history from years prior when it came to whether or not he could have been aggressive with Trayvon Martin.
I should know. I am one of them.
And just like with Zimmerman, I know that when a person has a proclivity for violent behavior to resolve issues, it usually stays with them throughout their life.
But let’s look at this further…
The very people who felt that Zimmerman’s behavior years prior to the death of Trayvon was a crucial component of the cocktail for disaster that occurred that fateful February night in 2012, now simply could not see how Brown’s behavior just moments before he was killed during a confrontation with a police officer, indicated whether or not he had the ability to act out violently, and more importantly whether there could be any credibility to the Officer Wilson’s account of events.

If that isn’t a steaming pile of dishonest bullshit, I don’t know what is.

Other people want to simply focus on the problem with police using excessive force.
But more specifically, they want to focus on excessive force being used against blacks.
Now, I’m all for taking a hard look at police abusing their power across America because this IS a problem.
I would however suggest that racism doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with it, and that it certainly didn’t in Brown’s case.

But if you believe otherwise, if you want to talk honestly about who it’s happening to and why…then let’s talk honestly.

I mean, isn’t that what everyone’s been saying? That it’s time for ‘real talk’?
So let’s have some ‘real talk’, shall we?

In 2005 ‘The Color Of Crime’ was published. This gives a statistical breakdown of crime as it’s committed by each race.
There are those that argue the numbers in the piece, but I haven’t seen a really compelling refutation of them so we’re going to look at them anyway, but if you want to, pretend they’re only half accurate.

According to the study, blacks commit murder at a rate of seven times more than people of other races.
Blacks commit robbery at a rate of eight times more than people of other races.
Blacks are also 15 times more likely to be affiliated with a gang than whites, and Latinos exceed both in this category.
Blacks are 39 times more likely to commit a violent crime against a white than vice versa, and 136 times more likely to rob a white person than vice versa.

All this, while blacks account for about 13% of the population of the United States.
Yet all of these numbers are to be ignored when asking white people why they might fear blacks, however.

It doesn’t matter that statistically, we have a MUCH greater probability of being the victim of a crime perpetrated by a black man than a black man does us, we need to solely focus on and be ashamed of the times when a white man does something awful to a black man.
Meanwhile, the black community needn’t be ashamed of anything about those numbers up above, because we aren’t allowed to talk about them while we’re having ‘real talk’.
Because if you cite any of these numbers, or anything that sounds like this kind of dialogue as a white person, you are a racist.
Oh, it’s true! In fact, despite the multitude of times that I’ve been called a ‘white apologist’ by other white people for condemning real racism, I guarantee I’ll be a racist according to someone, after this blog entry!
You see, we can only have ‘real talk’, when real talk consists of “BAD WHITEY!”.

Unfortunately, data isn’t racist.
Numbers aren’t racist.

But what’s more important than the somewhat large disparity between the amount of crimes committed by blacks vs. whites, is that it makes blacks that many more times likely to be shot and killed during a confrontation with police.
That doesn’t make it racist, it makes statistically more probable.
More involvement with police means a greater possibility of an unfortunate outcome.

A seven year study was released in 2012 that showed that of the number of people killed by police officers in that seven year timeline who were under 21, 18% were black as opposed to 8.7 percent white. That’s roughly a 10% difference.
Now go back and compare again the amount of times blacks are committing crimes versus whites.
Tell me again how blacks are being killed at a much higher rate than whites?

Let’s do it this way…
If one soldier serves a tour of duty in a violent region of the Middle East, and another soldier serves 3 tours of duty in that same region, it is statistically more probable for the second soldier to be injured or die in the line of duty than the first.
It doesn’t mean that the enemy saw the second soldier as someone they wanted to kill more because of his skin color, it just meant they were engaged with the second soldier more frequently and his chances of a bad outcome increased dramatically as a result.

By the laws of numbers, this is most likely what accounts for the amount of deaths of young black men in police confrontations.
Not in all cases…but probably in most.
But this is ignored in favor of yelling “RACISM!”.
This needs to stop.

There’s a repugnant level of dishonesty going on when discussing these issues.
Here’s two facts.

1.) There are white people who blame blacks for everything wrong that goes on.
2.) There are black people who blame whites for everything wrong that goes on.

Here’s another fact…both of those groups are partially correct.
White people don’t like to own up to their responsibility in the racial problems in America, and neither do black people.
They BOTH share the blame.
If you listen to some white people, “All those people do is cry racism, when everything that’s wrong for them is their own fault!”.
If you listen to some black people, “All whites do is act like they aren’t racist, when all they do is oppress us!”

Sorry white people, but a lot of you are racist.
Sorry black people, but a lot of your problems aren’t whitey’s fault.

But since this is the hot topic at the moment, let’s go back to the numbers I cited above.
When these kinds of statistics are reality, black people, how can you with a straight face ask the question “Why do white people assume all black people are criminals?”
Again, this has nothing to do with the color of your skin, it has to do with statistics.

Let’s do it this way…
If there were two beaches, and you wanted to enjoy them and their oceans, and you ask the question “Which one of these beaches has had more shark attacks?” and you were told that one beach had 7 times more shark attacks than the other, you would be a bit apprehensive if you had to get into the water there, right? It wouldn’t mean that you’re absolutely going to be attacked, but you might think you could be, and as a result, be on guard.
Again, this is statistics and nothing more, but you certainly wouldn’t assume you were completely safe in those waters.

But this caution is often suggested as something that is wrong and ‘racist’ about white people.

If the numbers were reversed…if white people were committing violent crimes at an average of 7 times more than blacks, and if whites were robbing blacks at an average of 136 times more than the reverse, guess who would be the ones assumed to be criminals on sight? Immediately their white skin would afford them nothing in the way of ‘nobility’ and ‘prestige’, because it’s about the statistics not the skin color.

And if when one of those violent white people was caught on camera getting physical with a shopkeeper while robbing his store, was then killed after a confrontation with a police officer, and then the white community started burning buildings, looting stores, and rioting for that dead criminal…would that make you think they share the same value system and moral code as you?
Would you feel like their neighborhood was a place you wanted to be?
Or would it more or less reinforce your negative beliefs about the white community?

This, is the crux of the issue for those of us in between.
Moving forward doesn’t mean embracing ANY black man simply because he’s black. It doesn’t mean ignoring obvious problems.
It means judging a man by the content of his character, and we can SEE that the content of Michael Brown’s character was flawed.
Just like with George Zimmerman, there is enough information to know that there are glaring problems being overlooked.
Everything we see regarding what kind of person Michael Brown was and what happened that day, is being ignored for the sake of yelling ‘racism’.

This is all counterproductive to a uniform society.

The greatest problem with treating the Brown death the same way as the Martin death, is that it diminishes the death of every black man who DID die unjustly at the hands of police or someone who deemed themself an authority figure . It means to equate Trayvon Martin to Michael Brown when nothing in their behaviors in their last hours of life are identical.
Furthermore, if we are equating Martin to Brown, then it lends credence to the propaganda that was spread about Martin being a criminal thug, and more importantly suggests that black America feels that it doesn’t matter if a black person is a criminal, they should be able to attack whomever they want without repercussion, or else they’ll burn the city down. This feeds back into the statistics, which feed into fear, which breeds racism, and so forth and so on.

Is that the message America should be receiving, while it simultaneously shouldn’t look cautiously at blacks?

For those of us who just want to move forward, this simply can not, and should not, be the message.
I would hope that we can all agree that when you rob places of business, you are not a decent member of the community.
I would hope that we can all agree that when you physically accost someone, you are not a decent member of the community.
I would hope that we can all agree that when you attack a police officer, you are not a decent member of the community

If we can’t…if we can’t agree on societal guidelines as simple as these, then how can we ever see eye to eye?
How can the black community expect the white community to see it as anything other than a danger?

Michael Brown ideally didn’t have to die, but Michael Brown made decisions that were conducive to a life that would end in tragedy. If not a police officer killing him, it could have just as easily been the shopkeeper who pulled a pistol when he grabbed him.

He was not Trayvon.
And burning down a city in ‘honor’ of someone like him is morally reprehensible.
There is REAL racism out there….that’s the real battle.

You know, in the autobiography of Malcolm X, Malcolm discusses white people who wanted to help in the civil rights movement.
He spoke of a particular white girl who asked him “What can a sincere white person do?”, and that he replied “Nothing.”
Malcolm said that he regretted answering her that way, and that white people could help. They could help by fighting the wrongs they saw amongst their own people. That only they could try to correct what was wrong with whites, because whites wouldn’t listen to a black man.

That was in 1965, just shy of 50 years ago.

Today, that situation has reversed itself, and a white man cannot honestly address the black community. The black community certainly at the least won’t listen, and at worst will call any attempt at addressing issues as racism.
So it’s only for a black man to correct what’s wrong in the black community.

Too often I watch black people use the copout “Well you have white privilege…you can’t speak on black issues with white America!” when confronted with information they can’t work around any other way.
Well, that works both ways. As a black person, you have no greater understanding of what’s it’s like to be white, then we do what it’s like to be black.

This is just one white person’s attempt to shed some light.

Robin Williams

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Aug 112014


This evening my girlfriend and I were sitting outside at The Cheesecake Factory to enjoy dinner and an amazing Summer night.
Within minutes after we placed our order, a text came through from my daughter…

“Robin Williams is dead.”

My initial reaction was that this was yet another in a long line of social media hoaxes regarding the death of celebrities, yet strangely, the first place I went to was my Facebook page with the question “Robin Williams is dead?”
My friends began responding but they really didn’t need to. After hitting ‘submit’ on my post, it was added to the trending topics on Facebook, and it was there that I saw that this time it wasn’t a hoax.

Many of the headlines read “Robin Williams found dead in his home of apparent self induced asphyxiation.”.

Suicide is always awful, but there is something incredibly abstruse and overwhelmingly sad about specific forms of self driven egress from this life. Certain methods indicate a sense of frantic urgency to end inner pain by any means necessary.
Self induced asphyxiation certainly strikes me as one of those.

I watched  as so many people expressed deep sadness over Robin ending his life.
This one hurt.
I think it’s because of what Robin symbolized and who he felt like to many of us.
Robin symbolized  the fun in life and he felt like an old friend.
For people in my demographic, we first met him as ‘Mork’ from the old sitcom ‘Mork and Mindy’ where he played an extraterrestrial with a child like wonder about human life.  Although that was what made Robin Williams a household name, it seems like the least of the bullet points in his résumé.

People began naming the list of films that they loved; a list too great to reiterate here, but we all know what they were.
For some reason, I always had a fondness for ‘Bicentennial Man’. I know it wasn’t well received critically, but there was something about an android finding the humanity in itself that worked for me.
Check it out if you’ve never seen it.

Many others mentioned his stand up comedy.
I have to confess something right now. I HATED Robin Williams stand up. I still, even in this moment, swear the viewer themselves had to be on cocaine to follow that rambling stream of consciousness! I hated his stand up so much, that for many years it forbid me from even considering his acting work.

But goddamn could the man act.

There are very few working actors who could evoke the emotion from an audience that Robin Williams could. The guy made you feel what you were supposed to feel. When he delivered that wide elvish smile, you felt the happiness that he was supposed to be exuding. When he broke down, you started to tear…um…I mean…things would coincidentally get in your eye at that exact moment.

For that, Hollywood is a much lesser place today.

I think ultimately, Robin’s death serves as a brutal reminder that money and fame won’t cure depression.
The idea that a man as adored as Williams could still feel so alone and helpless is horrifying in it’s magnitude.
But this is the reality of the human condition sometimes.
Sometimes…no matter what you do, and how many resources are at a person’s disposal, they’ve just had enough of their time here.
That realization of powerlessness to those left behind can be as profound and damaging as the loss itself.

A couple weeks ago, my girlfriend and I watched
‘The Angriest Man in Brooklyn’ which I guess will now go down as one of Robin’s final films. In it, he plays a man that believes he has 90 minutes to live, so he attempts to right all the wrongs in his life, and along the way learns a new appreciation for a life that had previously taken so much from him that he had given up who he was and became a bitter shell of a man.

In one of the final scenes, he says to his son “My tombstone will read “Here lies Henry Altmann 1951 – 2014….but the numbers don’t matter. Only the dash matters.”

Judging from the impact that the loss of  a man most never met has had on people all across social media, Robin William’s dash is one of the greatest you could ask for.

Rest in peace, sir.

Jul 302014

Plexus Slim

I know, I’ve been shitty at updating.
But I’ve had things going on.

On Sunday, which was Day Four I believe, I went to Philadelphia. Between hitting record shops because my daughter swears everything sounds better on vinyl, we stopped at ‘Shake Shack’ where I indulged myself with a Smokestack Burger, fries, and a Peanut Butter milkshake. It had a warning sticker on the top that read ‘Contains Nuts!’, so I was gonna take the sticker off and place it on my pants zipper! WOCKA WOCKA, YOUSE GUYS!!!!

I’m just kidding…I never thought of doing that until typing this. I actually only thought about what a jacked up world we live in now that nuts can kill people. Nuts never killed people when we were kids.
You would catch a major bullying back then if you were afraid of nuts….because you were still allowed to bully people back then too.
AHH the ’80s!

So the morning of Day Five begins with me losing one more pound after my initial four pound loss.
Considering what I ate in Philly the day before, and that my week worth of loss equated to a pound a day, I’d say not too bad.
I can attest to having very little appetite the entire time, but I can’t say that I felt overly energetic.
In fairness, I wasn’t sleeping well, so my sleep cycle was entirely out of whack. Perhaps with more time, I would have fallen back into a regular cycle and had great energy during the day.

Overall, I can’t say that Plexus failed. I followed the instructions I was given, and I lost 5lbs in 5 days while embarrassing myself with things like ice cream and chocolate sauce and a peanut butter milkshake.
And if I were a big hammy moo….er….I mean if I had a ‘glandular problem’, my lack of appetite would have certainly helped in a big way while I tried to stop myself from slamming Ring Dings and Chocodiles down my gullet.

So there you have it. My honest assessment and honest results from 5 days of Bedazzled Pink Juice.
If you want to try it yourself, contact Michelle Rash on my page.

Day Three!

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Jul 262014

Plexus Slim

You may be asking yourself “But Joe, where’s Day Two?”.
Well, Day Two got lost in an unexpected reboot debacle. Always save your work, kids!

As of Day Three, I have not lost more than the initial 4 lbs….but I also didn’t put it back on either.
And while I’ve not shamed myself with anymore ice cream and chick movies, I did have some things that aren’t exactly ‘healthy’ meals.

The evening before Day Three, which would have been the long lost Day Two, I had Chicken Parmigiana from Mazzella’s at around 10pm. You may be asking yourself “But Joe, you know better than to eat that late at night, why would a super cool bro like you do such a thing?”
Well, it’s because Allison went to dinner with her son and brought it back for me. I tell you this because it’s important to this Bedazzled Pink story. They asked me to go to dinner too, but I said no because I wasn’t hungry…at all.
Even though I hadn’t eaten since that morning and even then it was a small bit of food, I had no appetite.
However, not eating is never a good plan, so I told her to bring me back what I always get from there, when I don’t get the Ravolini Della Nona. If you haven’t had this…you haven’t truly enjoyed Italian food.

They were out for quite a while, and by the time they got back and I made myself eat, it was 10pm.
And that’s all I have to say about that. <–Read that in a Forrest Gump voice, because that’s how I meant it, AND I’m not much brighter than that guy. Except *I* know not to put it in a bitch with AIDS.
THANKS, JENNY!!! That was REAL cool of you!
On that note, am I the only one who didn’t find it endearing that she was having sex with a mentally challenged gentleman?
I mean why was this cool with everyone?
It’s like that Benny Mardones song that starts off “She’s just 16 years old…leave her alone…they say.”. How the fuck was this a hit? It’s theme music for pedophiles, and somehow it became people’s fucking prom song!

Oh wait…Plexus….

So on Day Three, again I had NO appetite.
Again I had to make myself eat.
I had a Wawa ‘Sizzli’ in the morning and made Chicken Lettuce Wraps with Thai Peanut Sauce for dinner.
You may be thinking ‘That sounds healthy!”, but you would be wrong. If I told you the ingredients to the peanut sauce, you would realize that I could have just as easily had a sundae for dinner.

But the Thai Peanut Sauce is like crack, yo!
And we’ve all blown someone for crack before, right?

Jul 242014

Plexus Slim

I have agreed to a five day Plexus Slim challenge. Why? Because I’m a skeptic by nature and love debunking things, and also because it’s been given to me for free.
And who doesn’t like free?

If I were being charged to take a challenge, I would yell “FUCK YOUR CHALLENGE, SIR!” and slap them across the face with a glove, like a proper gentleman is required to do!
But ‘free’ is a horse of a different color, as they say!

Now, I was assured that if I took the pills when I was supposed to, drank the drink when I was supposed to, and drank what I consider to be a metric fuck ton of water, that I would lose weight, feel energetic, and have a low appetite.

We shall see about all this poppycock and ballyhoo!!
And you know, now that I think about it…maybe I wouldn’t be so opposed to trying something like this if their logo didn’t look like a Bedazzled craft project that a bunch of middle aged broads did on a fucking girls night out!
I mean, did anyone think this shit through?

Eh….anway, I said I would give an honest assessment of what happens, so shall we begin?

Day One

I weighed myself in the morning so I would have an accurate total of weight loss if there is any, by the end of my five days.
DUH! Right? Of course you did, stupid. How else would you know if it worked?

I took the Accelerator pill with my morning water, and then had a latte, cuz Keurig Rivo is the BOMB, yo!

Later I drank the ‘Pink Drink’ and had a soft pretzel shortly afterward.
I’m not a big lunch eater in the Summer heat, PLUS I had a short day, so I figured “Screw it..I’m not getting a full lunch.”

For dinner, I ate two pieces of leftover Pecan Crusted Chicken breast that I made the night before.
I probably would have eaten three, but my dog is an asshole with NO boundaries for proper behavior.
She completely believes that what’s mine is hers, and that is a fatal misstep, my friend!!

Anyway, like the disgusting fat body that I am, I also had vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup on it.
Can you picture that? A grown ass man having to sit down in front of a tv screen watching ‘Divergent’ of all things, and eating ice cream with chocolate syrup like a silly little bitch?
I might as well just had a ‘Twilight’ marathon, or curled up with ’50 Shades Of Grey’.
I never really thought it out that way until I started typing this log of activity.
Fuck Plexus for that!

No…you know what? Forget all the shit I said about the logo at the outset of this. That is the logo that I deserve to have with my lil’ bowl of ice cream!

After that, it was beddy byes time for me. I say it that way, because it’s also what I deserve after the ice cream episode.

Now…I could not sleep. This is something I would assume has to be attributed to the Plexus.
When I say I couldn’t sleep, I mean I was up watching Omar on ‘The Wire’ until 4:30am.
THAT kind of couldn’t sleep.
By the way…to everyone who told me that ‘The Wire’ was on par with ‘Breaking Bad’…go fuck yourself. Re-watch that shit again while it’s not 2002 anymore, and I think you’ll have a different assessment.

SO, my appetite did not change on Day One, I couldn’t sleep, BUT….
Day Two begins with four less pounds on the scale in the morning.
Even after my shameful ice cream.